Did You Say No?

If you have children you will relate to what I am going to say.  If you do not have children then think about those you have seen in your life and you will understand my point.  Children are fascinating when they hear the word no.  In fact, I don’t think they truly hear the word.  They just find another way to ask.   My first sales training was a mantra of “no is just a step closer to a yes.”  I also remember another saying of “someone tells you ‘no’ because you have not given enough reasons to say yes.”  All those beliefs of persistently working to a yes are true.  But the flip side is to scrutinize why you received a no and if you may need to reexamine what you are working towards.  The no you are getting today may mean that you need to regroup and see if you are going in the right direction.


“No” is a form of rejection.  I know very few people that neither look nor want to be rejected.  Rejection has many forms and most can be very hurtful.   I have received many rejections in my life.  Some of which were devastating.  I still see the first “boyfriend” that rejected me.  It was very painful at beginning of my teenage years.  He used me to make his girlfriend jealous and then dropped me like a hot potato when she wanted him back.  I was shocked and hurt.  At the time I didn’t realize that it was a good thing for me.  I did not need someone that uses others for their own gain not caring the pain it cause.  Lesson learned.

I have been rejected in my career many times and in a multitude of ways.  I have wanted jobs that I believed to be perfect only to not even get an interview.  Most often the end result was a better opportunity would find me.  I also have had many rejections in my career from people not wanting my product or service.  I would find it incredulous that someone didn’t want what I had to offer.  At times I just couldn’t understand.  But finally a bigger picture would emerge.  I either would find a better offer or bigger sale down the road and all the rejections would fade away.


So it’s easy to tell others not to worry.  Another opportunity is on the way, around the corner, just waiting for the right time, etc.  As an impatient person I have difficulty with that type of talk but it’s really true.  So to help with the hurt, disappointment, pain or other feelings at the moment of rejection and aftermath I thought the following ideas may be useful.


Yes rejection does hurt.  Don’t beat yourself up over it.  We certainly can pick ourselves apart about all the whys, could have, and should have types of thoughts but it will not help.  Take note of your strong qualities and give yourself emotional support.  Guy Winch, a psychologist and author did a TED Talk about how we need to give ourselves emotional health on the same level as we do with our physical health.  Think about that and learn to give yourself support.


Remember that rejection can help you grow.  Keep in mind that most often the rejection you are feeling is not personal.  Most services or sales rejections have nothing to do with you personally.  If fact many times the person that is doing the rejection may not even know why they are turning down the opportunity.  Other types of rejection may involve you but can easily be about someone else and you are not the focus.   Each time you are turned down you have an opportunity to regroup, see other opportunities and perhaps find something better.  Negative thoughts can stop you from doing this type of growth.  Don’t let that happen.  Find the positive so you can move forward and find what you are suppose do and see.


“A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success.” - Bo Bennett


“When you're following your inner voice, doors tend to eventually open for you, even if they mostly slam at first.” ― Kelly Cutrone

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